Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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