I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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