its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
