It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
