hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
