I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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