VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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