if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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