the condom got lost in my hair
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
