Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Of course I have a pirate flag
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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