Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
