I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize