I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
