I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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