know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Rumble strips road head = magical
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
