Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
