Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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