It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
