Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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