I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
