At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize