It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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