she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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