it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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