i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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