I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
