On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He? As in you personified your dick?
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