Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
