Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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