I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
