Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
