I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
