You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i think my cat just said my name.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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