New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
