Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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