ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
