i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
