Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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