he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
