is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
