Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
