she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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