He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
