I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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