I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize