Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I CAN MOONWALK!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
