I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
