You can't motorboat a personality
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
