and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
