Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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