She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
