it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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