I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
