So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
