my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
