I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
