i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
