Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
