he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
