I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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