Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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