I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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