using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
