ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
ok first of all what the fuck
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
