My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
