I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
