idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
