I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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