She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
