It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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