Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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