you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
