He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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