I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
