It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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