I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Naked. naked and bneed help.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
