hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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