guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
