imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
