Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize