mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
