I am in a vortex of obligation.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think people are normalizing furries
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
