I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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