I think scott just propositioned me for sex
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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