Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize