I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
