your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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