So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
