I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
