I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize