I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
