im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize