Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
