she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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