I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
