Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
