her vagine was all disorganized.
Farmville is her only friend.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
