Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize