So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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