cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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