somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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